Dear Aniyah,

Hey my sweet baby. I spend a lot of time thinking about you. Today, I decided to write you a letter. I communicate very well in writing and I want to share some things with you. When God says he knows you before you are in your mother's womb this is so true. One day while driving your name dropped in my spirit. I was like Aniyah, who is that? I told your father the name and we decided to look it up. Your father suggested that it could be our child's first name. I looked up your name and it meant "God's Gift". I was full of excitement because I had never been pregnant before. I also thought that I would never be able to get pregnant. Months later I found out I was pregnant with you. The excitement was overwhelming. I told all my closest friends and some of my family. I was a ball of nerves the whole time. I wondered would I make a good mother? Could I really train you up how God tells us? I did not even know you were there to be honest due to my own health. I was planning your life out and preparing for laboring you. I was also generally worried you were not okay. I had a lot of bad habits at the time. I finally had my first appointment and we were excited. Then we got the bad news. I was beyond devastated. I did not understand why God would give me your name, let me get pregnant, then take you away. I mourned you for a long long time. Your father he dealt in silence. I really want to cry sharing this with you because I never told any of this. I consider you my warrior child. You are the child that doesn't like us crying about you. I feel like you always try to let me know you are okay in heaven.

I remember one day, your father and I were sitting at the table and there was a balloon your father bought me, just because. The balloon said "I Love You,". As we sat at this table the balloon started to slowly move it stopped at me then went in reverse and turned to your father. My first thought was that is Aniyah. Before I could say it and acknowledge your presence, your father said, "I think that's our baby,". I agreed and we both immediately cried and told you that we love you too. We felt your presence and after we told you that the balloon stopped moving. It was so surreal and we both thought wow that happened. The comfort you gave in that moment, was needed. That was the first time I knew that your daddy cared. Honestly I did not know that men grieved differently. Thank you for visiting us together. I also know that you visit me when I get sad and you tell me "Mom I am okay, God is sending more babies." I thank you for comfort. You truly make life easier for me. You give me strength to endure and help uplift other people. This letter I am writing is one I am sharing to you and the world. I am sharing this with the world because these letters could bring comfort to other women. You are my solider and I am sure they have soldiers in heaven too. Aniyah, we love you all of us your father, your sister and the dog Star. When I was pregnant with you she was quite mad at me but Pebbles who you may know because she is gone now, she protected you. Star was trying to protect me but now I know she would just love you too. You would love her just like your older sister. Until we meet again.


Your Mother.


  • YouTube
  • Twitter
  • Facebook Social Icon
  • Instagram Social Icon
  • Pinterest Social Icon

© 2018  Author of Life After HIV. Designed by iDesign Genius,